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Race 2 Movie Review : Haak Thoo

Not being content with making a terribly clichéd and Indianised version of The Italian Job called Players, Abbas Mustan felt that they needed a film worse than Players, which would give them the personal satisfaction of having sunk into abysmally low depths of creativity. Hence they return with Race 2, a film that makes Players and Race seem like classics in comparison. Sure, originality has never been a USP in their films, but their films did make for fun viewing in the past like Baazigar, Khiladi, Soldier et al.

In an Abbas Mustan universe rooted far away from reality, anything and everything is possible as shown in Race 2. The characters are living a life any Indian would dream of while living abroad. In Abbas Mustan’s universe, Europeans and other foreign nations were captured by Indians and the local residents of these countries were subjected to a life of slavery by Indians. This is why every other extra you see in Race 2 is a firang. These foreign extras clap, smile, walk stiff, gush after seeing John Abraham, act scared and do every other thing as and when they are instructed. And one of their biggest USP’s is they can also dance well, so that also takes care of the issue of background dancers for the songs.

Now I am really tempted to make Pakya Unchained – a film based on the slavery of the fair skinned foreigners by Indians.

Moreover, Hindi language has been a part of the curriculum of these foreign nationals since adolescence and hence they possess a very good understanding of the language. Which is why you see them clap, get excited, go ooh aah,wow  and what not when Deepika announces in Hindi that she and John have acquired a chain of casinos.

In the 70’s , you had vamps such as Bindu who would emerge seductively out of the pool  in a bikini and sit amongst the bad guys sipping on juice or champagne, look focused during an important discussion and look forward to give her valuable inputs.  Nothing much has changed, Deepika still emerges out of the water in a two piece and sits amongst John and Saif during an important conversation with an I-pad for company, all the while looking for a chance to make intelligent contributions to the discussion.

People still live in palatial houses, which could easily accommodate 2-3 suburbs of Mumbai.  Moreover, these houses have around a dozen display monitors and cameras for surveillance. From now onwards, I have sworn to target such places as they will easily help me to achieve the sales target of my entire office of providing display monitors.

When Manmohan Desai’s films of yore such as Parvarish had scenes wherein  people would cheat each other during card games with X-ray goggles and other such gimmicks,we mere mortals laughed at the absurdity of it. But only technology whizkids like Mustan brothers and the writers of Race 2 had the farsightedness to understand the futuristic vision of Manmohan Desai. This is why you see Deepika sporting glares which scan the opponent’s cards for John Abraham during a game of poker.  Of course the micro chip sensors and other technical jargon only makes it seem more relevant. I am sure the makers of the film must have taken the help of Google, Dell Intel and other such industry giants to display this scene of technical genius.

Saif Ali Khan has still not recovered from the failure of Agent Vinod. Which is why you see him in Race 2, doing what could be an extension of his role from Agent Vinod. He is a master in archery, boat riding , fencing and every other sport imaginable under the sun.  And he also transforms into a master thief in this film.

John Abraham is well John Abraham and does an efficient job of looking angry , intense and cunning . All which seem similar and resemble his trademark look i.e. of looking constipated.  He also pays a nice homage to Robot , Hulk , Iron man and other such characters during the song sequences by appearing stiff and robotic.  The only time he appears natural is during the end scene – (Spoiler alert for those still interested to watch the film :) ) when he justifies his motive for killing Bipasha Basu (yes she has a silly cameo in the film). John brings all the anger and pain while enacting this scene which he must have experienced after his very public separation from Bipasha Basu.

Jacqueline Fernandez and Deepika Padukone have nothing much to do apart from looking hot and mouth inane dialogues throughout the film.  Whenever any film requires an actor to play the role of a don who has nothing to do, Aditya Pancholi is there.

Amisha Patel’s desperation to salvage her nonexistent career post some really forgettable films and a failed love affair with Vikram Bhatt seems very much visible.  If her role and exposure of skin in the film is an indication, then she is ready to pop her cherry with anyone provided a film is being offered in exchange.

If you thought Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol saw Anil Kapoor at his worst, then you are wrong. Race 2 tops Kapoor’s hall of shame in recent times.  His narration in the beginning of the film only adds to the misfortune of watching this film and his atrocious performance.  For the sake of the viewers’ sanity and his own reputation, Anil Kapoor seriously needs to re-strategise his career.

Writer Shiraz Ahmed and dialogue writer Kiran Kotrial need to find a place in the Indian hall of grindhouse fame for the absurd screenplay and the cheesy dialogues.  Kotrial surely owes his talent to the Kanti Shah School of film making which is very much visible in the dialogues he has penned for the film.

Sample these -  ‘ Cherry , I don’t have the time to pop your cherry’

‘Hai toh Half sister, but hai wohh full shaani’

‘Wohh gayi tel lene – yaane ek Arab ke saath bhaag gayi’

In fact, all the dialogues of the film would make for a fun read if compiled in a single book- preferably a toilet paper edition.  The Indian censor board which deems The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo unfit for a theatrical release in India despite an Adults certificate seems no harm in giving Race 2 and other such films a U/A certificate despite the crude content in it. Clearly some foul play is at work here.

Much like the well starched white shirts , Abbas Mustan surely need to cleanse their minds before they venture to make their next monstrosity of a film.

I dont make any resolutions for the New Year as I generally don’t believe in it. But, I am now making a resolution of staying away from watching every other potential 100 crore mindblaster this year in theaters like I used to do earlier before the beginning of MAM.  As it very essential for the sake of retaining my sanity and for the cause of good cinema.

By: Aditya Savnal
Posted: January 27, 2013, 11:30 am


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